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Experiencing refusal, notably when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. An editor is declining your work, giving a clear “Not interested.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with rejection. I started submitting manuscripts 50 years back, right after finishing university. From that point, I have had two novels turned down, along with book ideas and countless pieces. In the last two decades, specializing in commentary, the refusals have only increased. Regularly, I face a setback multiple times weekly—totaling in excess of 100 annually. Overall, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. By now, I could claim a master’s in handling no’s.

However, does this seem like a complaining rant? Not at all. As, finally, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with rejection.

By What Means Have I Accomplished This?

Some context: At this point, nearly each individual and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t kept score my acceptance statistics—that would be quite demoralizing.

For example: not long ago, an editor rejected 20 submissions in a row before accepting one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 book publishers declined my book idea before someone accepted it. Subsequently, 25 literary agents rejected a book pitch. A particular editor requested that I send articles less often.

The Steps of Setback

Starting out, all rejections stung. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing was being turned down, but who I am.

No sooner a piece was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• First, disbelief. How could this happen? How could editors be overlook my ability?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the mistake? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can they know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my efforts? They’re foolish and the magazine stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why would I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably accompanied by delusion). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, sadness. I’m not talented. Additionally, I can never become accomplished.

I experienced this over many years.

Notable Company

Naturally, I was in excellent fellowship. Stories of authors whose manuscripts was initially rejected are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was originally turned down. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his school team. Many American leaders over the past six decades had previously lost campaigns. The filmmaker says that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to star were declined numerous times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to wake me up and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he stated.

Acceptance

As time passed, when I entered my senior age, I achieved the last step of setback. Peace. Currently, I more clearly see the various causes why someone says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have already featured a like work, or have something in the pipeline, or simply be contemplating a similar topic for someone else.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my submission is not appealing. Or maybe the editor feels I lack the credentials or reputation to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the business for the content I am peddling. Or was busy and read my work hastily to appreciate its value.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Everything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Many explanations for denial are permanently beyond your control.

Within Control

Others are within it. Admittedly, my ideas and work may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and appeal, or the idea I am trying to express is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my writing style, especially commas, was annoying.

The essence is that, despite all my long career and setbacks, I have achieved recognized. I’ve published multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, another, a autobiography, at older—and over a thousand pieces. Those pieces have featured in magazines major and minor, in local, national and global sources. My debut commentary ran when I was 26—and I have now contributed to that publication for 50 years.

Still, no major hits, no signings in bookshops, no features on talk shows, no speeches, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can better accept rejection at 73, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have eased the stings of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all now.

Educational Rejection

Setback can be educational, but only if you listen to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will likely just keep taking rejection the wrong way. So what insights have I acquired?

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